My Blog

With evolution, the homo sapien species  ( aka: mankind ) has been using its brains in making decisions. Fire was introduced through experimentation, with the rubbing of stones and sticks. Food was cooked, rather than eaten raw. We learnt to use tools to hunt, rather than using our bare hands to kill the prey.

In all honesty, we should be glad that we were gifted by God with the power to think, to analyze , to find solutions. We are creators. Creators of machines, ammunitions, order. We have found ways to make our lives so much simpler, with the invention of microwaves ( for that 1min, effortless cooking ), or that washing machine( a gift to all women who are forced to clean and wash up after thier partners and offspring. ) or that car ( that can transport us from one place to the other within mins , instead of having to walk miles to reach that grocey store! ).

Yes, with the evolution of brain cells, mankind has reinvented our lives , so much simpler, so much more less exhausting , so much more efficient…

Yet, with evolution comes more desires. Life became that much more complicated. We are no longer satisfied with the simple things in life. We are constantly looking for that next best thing. Or most often than not, we use our brains to over analyze things, thinking that we should not just consider the seemingly innocence of a situation, a person. We THink that surely we are overlooking some factors. Perhaps that guy said ” I’m very fond of you ” , actually meant that ” im interested but only that much. Or when a girl said ,” I’ve been hurt before and wants to take it slow , ” actually meant ” I’m playing hard to get . ”

Playing mind games has become so prevalent in our society that it’s no longer viewed as anything out of the ordinary. It’s even EXPECTED of you to play the game, otherwise you will be termed as an utter bore , or someone not intelligent enough to catch the other person’s plot and play accordingly. Probably modern man has reached a plateau in his usage of brain cells. Perhaps they are so well nourished that they do not need to think of how to make their lives better , rather how to beat the opponent at their games.

Playing games are no longer the domain for the children. We are constantly playing games with each other, emotional games, mind games, games games games…

After a while, when you sit down and reflect, dont you think that we wasting too much time and effort in a constant loop of uncertainty and pain, and how exhausting it is to second guess that someone?

It’s been a while i must say since my last entry of ramblings and random thoughts. Am not sure if its due to friendster being taken over by facebook as the next “most happening” friends linkage website or the fact that i’ve somehow strayed off the path of writing. Hmm i think its a combination of factors.

Somehow, re-reading my previous entries brought much thoughts and reflection. Some things that Shout out at me.

I was SO SO passionate about life, career , love, just 3 yrs ago. I reiterate, that was 3yrs ago. How things have changed. Surely i am still who i am. intrinsically, im still the young , innoncent , wide eyed gal who craves for what the world brings . Right? Wrong !

Things have changed. Time passed by, people have moved on. So did I. Unknowingly, ive turned into someone who is extremely cynical, extremely tired of life, feeling empty with nothing to really look forward to.. I’m turning into an OLD WOMAN!!! GASP!! ( not that the appearance of many strands of white hair is not helping at all !! )

I blame my current state of unhappiness, and feeling lost and hopeless on my inability to balance my life. My inability to slow down my pace and smell the flowers, to enjoy life. My inability to reconnect with those that i’ve left behind or who had left me behind. My inability to be Content. Yes. Contentment is something that slips me by.

My constant pursuit for something better, something newer has caused me to lose sight of what is really important to me. In fact, am not even sure what will propell me moving forward right now. How different it is from the yesteryears. Time seemed to have flown me by, taking away all my passion and my laughter.

How sad is it to realise that age did not come together with wisdom. Time has transported me into a cynical, highly upstrung, highly stressed out individual who cares only about the next big Pay out. I can just feel the weight of life choking the life out of me.! ( now this is not a prelude to my suicide entry ) .

Work has overtaken my whole life. Constant pressure to hit budgets and ensure clients are well managed took up all of my energy. Work has sapped and wrung dry my passion for life. Work did come with its perks of course. It provided me with enough Moolahs to travel to far far away places, to buy the many pretty frocks that i so adore, or that luxurious watch that will provide for a family of 4 for months to come…

Yet, work does not fill up the void and emptiness in me. Nor does it quench my thirst for fulfillment. Perhaps its the doldrums that i find myself stuck in. Things have become so routine. I’ve learnt the skills of my trade. I know the processes like the back of my hand. I know I’m good at what i do.  Perhaps i need a new focus in my life.

Next, THE ONE. I still wish to believe that THE ONE exist for each one of us. Soulmate who will love you without being told. Yet, im beginning to doubt this. Why? the many divorces and broken relationships that I’ve encountered over the years, have shaken my confidence in relationships. People get together , made committments and before you know it? They have broken up, divorced and split their wealth right in the middle. How about pre-nuptial agreements? It’s become so common now that the sanctity of marriage seems to be thrown right into your face! It’s all very appalling! What has the world come to? What have I come to?

OK this entry may sound really depressing, as its pretty much a reflection of my current mood. How time changes people and things… How experiences change our perceptions, our values, our beliefs. Thankfully, previous entries allowed me the chance to reflect back on my life and the Time gone by. And I’m glad that those memories are still entrenched in the Wild and vast world of blog.=P

So, i shall start writing again. Pennng my thoughts so that I don’t forget. With age comes loss of memory , and Im really so afraid of Growing OLD! HELP!!!!

Comex held its annual exhibition in Suntec yet again, and i decided to buy a Digi cam! surprise surprise! for i am not a tech junkie. had been wanting to get a digi cam for the longest time, but had never really felt the urge to go out and buy one. Until that day, when i decided to move my bottom and finally get myself one.

Having decided to buy a camera, i then went on to ask my friends which brand/ design to buy. Many had differing views, with Canon/ Sony being the most mentioned. Apparently, Sony has been typically known to produce beautiful cameras, while Canon’s technology is more superior. My colleague asked me how many Megapixel do i want? I had no idea ! seriously! I love taking pictures, but most of the time, my friends will provide the camera. Not me. How was i to know which one is better than the other?
Anyway, for those looking to buy a camera, apparently 5Mpixel is SO OUT ! its now 8Mpixel and better, otherwise you will be known as a backward consumer. That was what i found out as i innocently told the sales girl that i was looking for a 5Mpixel camera. I could see that she had much difficulty suppressing her grin!!
Anyhow, she recommended me a Sony camera, that was very good value for money and had loads of freebies thrown in. It cost 499SGD, with 4MB sized memory card, a beautiful leather pouch that could be bought for 15SGD, ( the retail price was 65SGD for a pouch! ) and many more. I asked her if she had that in RED colour , and she said no. She only had it in pink. Pink?? No way! i had my eyes on the beautiful deep RED camera, and i wanted it in RED ! She told me that they have the RED coloured camera in a different design, which no doubt cost more ! and to top it off, if i wanted the pouch, i had to pay 65SGD, and they only provide 2MB sized memory card ! WHAT?? how can there be such a big difference? The reason? one is the later model, which is not on sale .

What a dilemma it was. I stood there comparing the 2 models for an entire half hour, deciding on whether to choose beauty or value , finding excuses to choose the RED camera. To be very honest, i guess i had already made my choice even before i stepped into the booth. RED was the colour of choice, and so why would i settle for anything but?

SO sadly, i decided to go ahead with my impulsive nature and chose beauty! I realise that consumers have many different trigger points. One can choose convenience over the other, while another buyer may choose value for $$. While me, being a totally undiscerning consumer, who regard many different features of the camera being a nuisance decided to choose with the eye appeal. Many will say that i made the wrong decision, but hey , i was happy with my purchase, and who can say that was not worth the $$? =p

I was back in my hometown on compliance leave and the plan was definitely to R&R. With my sis going diving and me basically "lounging" , it was supposed to be a fantasy trip for all of us.

Until the big Blow up in the Global markets, in which Equities across the globe fell over 3% consecutively every single day, and with the FX market moving in such volatile terms it was difficult to decide which direction the currencies were going. Bottom line, the subprime craze that is unfolding in US caused the rest of the world to suffer. When the US sneezes, Asia catches a cold. Yes, suddenly we saw our net worth plummeting to just 50% of our original amount as stock markets continued to sell off.

That was definitely not something that we wished to have hanging off our heads when we are on HOLIDAY!! DID we? For one, we were in a remote island where years ago, there were no such things as satellites. Or that Global roaming made information via SMS or Hps so readily available. Thus the days went by with me stuck to the CNBC channel monitoring the markets, and constant SMSing with my colleagues, finding out what the markets were doing intra day. Blood was drawn over the week, with the STI dropping over 30% over a few weeks. No one was smiling. Least of all me, or my Dad or my sis or her friends…. It was NOT FUN!

Miserable as i was, The one night that we walked to the restaurant is perhaps the Night that i shall remember for a long time. Plodding along with a heavy heart, i had the sudden urge to lift up my head and took a look at the sky. It was Brilliantly lit with sparkling stars that twinkled brightly. There was no dark clouds covering them up. It was a sight to behold. It was then that i started taking notice of those around me. They were walking wordlessly , looking down at the ground , so afraid to trip and fall . No one thought to look up into the sky, no one  knew that such a beautiful sight awaited them. When i called out at how beautiful the sky was, i started to smile , filled with awe at the magnificence of the universe.

No matter how bad our lives may be, i sincerely believe that there are things in our lives that will provide us with hope. When the Lord closes a door, he will open a window. It may take us a while to really see that tiny diamond in the Rut, but am sure it will no doubt bring a smile to your face. Simple things in life may just be what we need to fill that empty void in our lives. Don’t you think?

Is it true that people tend to be more vulnerable when they are sick?
They get more emotional with things, being extra sensitive to every thing and every one?

Well, i guess the saying is true as i am testament to it.
I have been coughing continuously for many days, and feeling basically like "crap" through out the week. I realized that throughout this period of time, my emotion quotient went from 60% to over 150%. Nice things that people did for me had sweetness factor multiplied 3 times. And those people that ignored my "pathetic plight" were immediately downgraded and "lined out" ( ie: to be ignored in future ).

Simple things like, you should go back to rest and get well were viewed as they really care about me, while others who only care about themselves and ignoring my Extremely loud coughs were renegaded to " insensitive pigs! "

Thank goodness for me, i have my daddy by my side this week ( he just came back from indonesia), who continuously told me to take my medicine and to see a doc
( which by the way i ignored as i hate going to the docs). At the end of the day, i suppose we are all humans. We need the TLC most when we are down sick in the gut, feeling all miserable and sore.

We can be extremely successful people who are independent and strong, but when we fall sick, we will all become "pudding" and yearn for that additional warmth and love from our family and friends.

Isn’t it so?

Well, at the end of a gruelling week of "intensive" work, a group of us decided to reward ourselves with a little trip. Langkawi!! The beach place to REST and RELAX! which by the way is the Most important objective of the trip, not to mention it will probably be the last time we can go out on a trip together.

It was Great fun! Check out the marina, the yatchs etc were fab. We made a pact that one of us , the one who get promoted first will treat the group to a day on a yatch ! Not the cheap one by the way, it has to be a yatch big and majestic enough with LOADS of spare room for us to sit around and just Chill!! That’s a promise that all of us will no doubt keep to, for it will be a celebration among friends, no?

Activities abound, with jet skiing, cable car riding, go karting etce etc, we were sad to end the trip that early. Yet, we had to return to the "real world", to earn our living so that we can perhaps, just perhaps meet together again on another pleasureable trip.

Eqypt will be our next destination, and it was agreed that all of us will "try" to go. No matter what. Of cos, for many of them, they will be required to obtain "passes " or approvals from their spouses, but i sincerely believe that we will try to gather together again in the near future. Meanwhile, we can just maintain contact thro’ emails or telphones. Ain’t technology great?

We will no doubt remember the trip and hope that we will meet together as a group again.

Clearly, things have changed since 2 1/2 years ago. Newly graduated and into the work force, many of us were eagerly looking forward to a fantastic career and a Great social life. 5 weeks of bonding, internationally, from China, Indonesia, Kenya, London, Thailand,Malaysia etc etc, brought many of us closer together. We made an effort to understand the cultural differences, each other’s personality, to hang out and chill together. It was so much fun, we were really upset at the end of it all. 2 1/2 years later, cliques had been formed, and it was no longer a " happy family together forever" kind of scenario.

We had finally " graduated" and are now labelled " PGs!!" ( post grads. What kind of title is that???? ). After a full week of intensive training to be effective managers, we had to say good bye to each other. It marked the end of our " tour" in the bank, marked the end of our yearly meetings and partying together. Yet, for many of us, it was a rather dry eyed affair. Or rather, I didnt observe any wailings or huggings , desperate to hold on to each other’s company and refusing to " move along" and return to where we come from. No… We have all grown up. Coming and going are part and parcel of life. All good things come to an end, and why should our partying continue on indefinitely? We have to look towards the beginning of a glamourous and fullfilling career, while slogging our A*S* off to climb that corporate ladder.  For most, we were glad to be returning to our job. We will just have to look at the other side of the coin. The end symbolises the beginning of something new doesn’t it??

It’s been a while since the year 2007 began. 1 month flew us by, and we are well into the beginning of February, the month when winter passes and spring begins. For us who are in the sales line, it is the beginning of running after sales and trying to hit our ever increasing yearly budgets. Not surprisingly, every one of us is stressed out. Where will the next deal come from? How do we get them? How should we run our accounts? The year of the pig is set to be an extremely challenging one .

Nonetheless, the smell of spring is begining to permeate through the air. Although this year the wind howls constantly due to the monsoon period or the changing of the wind. Not withstanding the cold air entering our bodies , striking straight at our bones, there are many things to be thankful for.

For 1, the beginning of the year brings added blessings on my family. Things have finally settled down, and we are able to move on.

Another, the birth of a new mummy and March/April Baby ! One of my best friend is finally entering mother hood! Ain’t that great?

As the new Lunar new year approaches, i welcome it with a grateful heart. For my family and friends will be by my side, celebrating a brand new start.=P

Sleep, the most necessary and desired thing for humans. A source of nourishment, a time for relaxation, a time to recharge. Sleep is often taken for granted, with people forsaking sleep to dance the night away.

I used to take sleep for granted. Now i CRAVE for it. Insomnia has plagued me for some time now. Do not know when it actually started, but its claws has slowly but surely crept into my life, sucking the last bit of energy out of me.

Im desperate for sleep ! No matter how early i sleep, my slumber is often disrupted by random thoughts, nightmares and constant worry.

I used to be able to sleep hours on end, anywhere, anytime. What happened? Have I aged into adulthood with constant worries and the inability to relax in life? As i lay on my bed, frustrations nearly choked the life out of me . I wonder, how many people are lying awake in this city ? How many more will join the ever growing tribe of sleepless zombies?

yes, its the time of the year when annual parties are held. The D&Ds of companies vary accordingly. For us, its another time when we get free BOOZE and really not that much food. Time to get our colleagues drunk, while at the same time inevitably getting "high" as well. What can we say? We are a generation of highly strung individuals always looking for a time to release all stress.

Anyway, our annual D&D was held at Suntec City convention ! not at a posh hotel as its TOO BIG! i believe about 500 tables were ordered. Ok im exaggerating. Maybe 450! anyway its a huge no , not to mention that we are still growing in size. So the day started early with the GM people arriving in droves and started our usual drinking session. Wanting to take the chance to get our boss drunk, we took turns to toast him. Unfortunately , he was definitely very Sharp. He practically sipped the drinks and managed to get away pretty unscathed! I really must adopt his strategy of being able to "siam!" ( avoid in Singlish term ) .

He exclaimed." Hey, ive been doing this for the past 20 yrs! " What do we expect? Oh pls. And there we were plotting on how to get him to drink tequila, wine, whisky, beer etc etc etc. Seriously i can’t even remember what other drinks there were.

As part of the "initiation" into GM, i made 2 of my juniors drink whisky black label from bowls. Yes, bowls. Those soup bowls that we use to drink sharks fins from? Yup, those bowls . Well, the way i figured it, i did that 2 years ago when i joined, they should no doubt continue with that tradition . Right? (*evil grin*!)

At the end of it, or rather in the middle of it, i was nearly gone myself. I made the right choice to leave early , plop myself into a cab and headed home, crashing on the bed and waking up with quite a bad case of dehydration. What a close shave! I seriously didn’t want to create a scene and embarrass myself, as some of my colleagues did. Apparently , 1 guy puked in the hall . I guess he must have had a drop too much !=)

Well it was a fun time. A good way to end the year with a bang! Yes, its soon to be a brand new year . So let’s get the party going !